"Thumbs-in-the-middle"

I'm a reluctant blogger. Sometimes you need to have an audience (or at least the illusion of one) in order to express thoughts you wish you could say to various people in your life. Because I'm not an inspirational speaker, I figured a blog would be the next best thing. Even if no one reads this, that is still ok. Because for better or worse, I"m writing this for me. I suppose I could just write in a journal like I did when I was younger, but there is something about having an audience that I think will keep me honest and on track. Almost like a blogging placebo effect. I want a place where I can say whatever I'm feeling - without someone asking me to explain further, or clarify, or ask me what the hell I'm talking about when I ramble on. You, of course, are welcome to ask me 'what the hell?', people out in web land. I'm not accountable to you all day, every day, so I'm thinking fresh perspective from people I don't know will be welcome. If anyone reads of course. I guess it's time for the background info. Well, some of it at least.

I'm a twenty-six year old woman who lives in the Northeast (I'm undecided as to whether I'm going to specify my location any further).  I'm gainfully employed, FINALLY finishing my undergraduate degree, and visit a therapist every other week to discuss emotional issues. We'll call him Dr. E. Dr.E is great. Wonderful, even. Smart, gently prodding me along, even though I am NO stranger to the therapy rodeo. I've been going on and off since I was in kindergarten when my parents got divorced. My first taste of therapy was a group run by the school counselor called "Banana Splits". Yup. It was a group for all the divorced kids in my elementary school to meet once a week. Funny that this was twenty years ago, but I have such vivid memories of sitting in the grass outside by the little kid playground with the group. Every time we would meet, the counselor (whose name I've sadly forgotten) would ask us if we were having a "thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumbs-in-the-middle" kind of day. I typically chose the last option -- which has been a running theme in my life ever since. Huh. Go figure. "Thumbs in the middle" is a really great way to be non-committal. How telling it is that I had figured that out by the age of five. Sadly, this guidance counselor retired after my kindergarten year (while I don't remember her name, I do remember her peach lipstick and gray & white hair set into the perfect curled "do"). The school tried to continue Banana Splits with the new counselor, but let's just say Dr. Kummer and six year old L. did NOT see eye-to-eye.

More to come, but because I am posting this during my lunch break, I should probably get back to work. Looking forward to continuing.